saranghaeyo

saranghaeyo oppa.. saranghaeyo...

Those are the words that i can say just in my heart...

The first time I entered my faculty, i felt falling in love to a boy who is in the same class with me. I always nervous. But I just keep silent pretending nothing happen if I’m with him and my friends. I don’t have any brave to express my feeling to anybody. I don’t want our relationship broken. I just express what I feel in my a little diary..

He is the boy who I ever told you in my previous "perjuanganku, hasil terbaikku". I saw him the first time when we studied together in SSC. I still remember him. But, will he remember me??? I hope so...

OPPa,,,, I always call him with Oppa (which means brother in Korean). I just have to be patient with everything. He pretends to be cool, ignorant, and it makes me hurt. But it’s OK, since i never express my feeling to him. I’m hurt, but I must be patient.

Since 2009 until now, I can’t omit him from my heart and my thinking. Sometimes he hurt me, but sometimes he also make me happy. I ever think “what is my mistake??”

I ever felt down, very very down when i heard that one of my friends like him. I always want to cry. That time I’m afraid that he will be her boy friend. Because i know they are the same. Both of them are smart, Oppa is handsome and she is beautiful.  both of them are kind and  they are from rich families, too.

as time goes by, that news disappear. But i don't know about feeling how of them. oppa look dislike her. but, anyone who knew oppa's feeling to her. until now, that always be question for me but that never missed.

whatever happens, i just must be sincere if oppa for her. 

One day, Oppa was very kind to me. I don’t know. What I know that it makes me flying on the sky. But maybe it is just my feeling. Because he is always kind to anybody.

PHP(giving the false hope). Is he just PHP?!! I don’t Care. Whatever..

One day, I ever share to my friend. I choose her because my other friends often share to her. In the class she is very talkactive. I told her that i like him (oppa). But, WHAT HAPPEN?! SHE TOLD MY SECRET TO MY FRIENDS. AND NOW, MY LOVE TO OPPA BECOME THE GENERAL SECRET.

Since that time, Oppa’s attitude changes. Anytime we meet, I always hurt. But I must be patient.

To avoid my friends, I pretend nothing happen although I want to be Angry and Cry.

There are two boys approach me. They are in the same class with me and Oppa. I just think that they are my brothers. But I’m confused when they told me that they like me and want me to be their girl.

I told them that They are just my brothers. But one of them always visit me. And it’s makes me uncomfortable. So, I decide to receive  him to be my boy.

That time, I think that I’am very Cruel. Although I recieve him, but there is only oppa in my heart. I don’t like him. Though just a little, I don’t.  One week, 2 weeks, until 4 weeks, i try to remember him in my heart. But, this is NOTHING...!!. I CAN”T CHANGE OPPA with him in my heart.

My parent’s also disagree with our relationship. So, I just ask him to be my friends.

My parents never permit me to make a date. They want me to study. So, I can graduate quickly.

My mother ever advise me that I must not think about my mate. It is my parents business. They have arranged it for me.

That time, i really want to cry. So, “what about OPPA if one day my parents still arranges my mate??!!

BUT  i’ll struggle for my Love.

And now, if I remember when I express my felling to Oppa, I often smile. How can’t i smile? Becouse I express it to him directly. But that time i don’t want to heve him. I just express it. Because i can’t keep my feeling for a long time myself. And I know that our way is still a long way.

Sometimes, I feel sad because he said that he had another choise. But i’m satisfied because i have expressed my feeling.

Apparently, my feeling CAN’T STOP  that time. Oppa’s name is always in my heart. Although anytime we meet, he often hurt me.

About Oppa, I don’t know until when i’ll keep him in my heart. One thing that I know, I can’t omit it.

Maybe I just will wait until the time come when Allah decide it...